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Passivity, Discounting, Passive Behaviours and Symbiosis
+919822024037; ajitpkarve@gmail.com
See the other blogs here : Table of Contents
Passivity
Passivity means inaction. Passivity is displayed when one does nothing or does something inappropriately, or ineffectively. Jacqui and Aaron Schiff concluded that passivity results from unresolved dependency (symbiosis). Discounting is the mechanism and grandiosity (distortion of reality) provides the justification. Passivity in feeling, thinking, or doing disrupts the balance of social functioning and results in internal distress or behaviour disorders.
The topic of Symbiosis precedes Discounting in TA literature. Here, topics of Discounting, Passive Behaviours and Thinking Disorders are covered first.
Discounting
We are engaged in very many activities and engagements. Our perception of reality may match the popular view. If it does, then what we perceive is a consensual reality. If it does not, then our perception is diffent form the consensual reality. This error in perception occurs because of discounting. In discounting, some aspects of the reality have been ignored, overlooked, perceived larger / stronger / more powerful / more difficult than actual or perceived to be smaller / weaker / less powerful / easier than actual. In either case a distortion has occurred. Discounting has taken place. This shift happens beyond conscious awareness. The response is inappropriate to the existing reality situation. Therefore it is ineffective.
Discounting is the mechanism in which passivity operates.
Discounting is unawarely minimizing, maximizing or ignoring an aspect of reality, a capacity, an endowment which is relevant to ending a situation or solving a problem safely.
One needs to understand that by denying power to one entity (person or situation), it is invested in, or is granted to or assigned to or in another, this aspect is called grandiosity. Discounting is accompanied by grandiosity. Grandiosity provides justification. Simply put, when I feel grandiose, I either feel elated, or powerful; or I feel put down, or ignored.
We are called upon to deal with reality in three areas. They are 'I', 'You' and 'Situation'. These are either internal, or interpersonal, or situational contexts. Three types of discounting takes place in each of the three areas at four levels. The levels are also called modes or ways. When these are combined a matrix is generated. It is called the Discount Matrix or the Discounting Matrix. It is shown in figure 28. When we wish or desire to implement change, we can do something about it once we are able to identify the point of our stuckness as also how to proceed in the matter. The discount matrix helps us to identify our stuck point and also provides the means to resolve it.
An example: Seilo was preparing for his TA Open Book Exam. The question on game was quite daunting. He knew the material. However, he was not able to construct a proper answer. He was stuck on the diagonal T4 in the cell marked solvability of the problem. In the process he was discounting the significance of options and his ability to respond differently. This is so because he is unable to think out a different method of approach, to seek help and to tackle the matter from a different perspective.
Discounting occurs along the diagonals as indicated in the diagram. Asai and Sakata have in their book (*) 'Introduction to TA' provided a new way of interpreting the discounting matrix. The same is given in figure 29.
Figure 29
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Passive Behaviors
Passive behaviours are manifestations of internal distress. They are in the nature of dysfunctional behaviours. They constitute the result of passivity with discounting being the mechanism. Four types of passive behaviours and two types of thinking disorders result. They prove to be ineffective ways because some aspect of self, or of another, or of reality situation is unawarely ignored. Passive behaviours are behavioural manifestations of redefining. The four passive behaviours are:
Doing Nothing: My husband is late. I am worried. I wait and wait and wait worrying and becoming anxious. I do not call him up to know that he is well. I also do not call any of his friends or colleagues to learn about his wellbeing. I invest energy in not taking steps to do something, and in taking appropriate action. Therefore my behaviour is called 'doing nothing'.
Over Adaptation: In over adapting I assume that others are incapable. I take it to be my duty. I please others in the process. They like my behaviour because I do something for each person in the environment. Some of them who are mentally healthy may find my behaviour to be odd but overlook it. As an example: A hassled wife attends to all chores in the house. She also does a full time job to support the family. Her husband has a light job in his office. As yet he does nothing at home. His wife does not protest nor request. She thinks it her duty as wife and mother. Such behaviour is called Over Adaptation.
Agitation: Agitation constitutes repetitive, ineffective, purposeless behavior meant to discharge tension instead of using the energy in problem solving or ending the situation. Children chewing pencil ends, leg wagging, finger tapping, pacing up and down, picking up the mobile phone under stress, surfing apps and smoking are examples of agitation.
Incapacitation and Violence: In this mode the person discharges energy by harming self or another. Self-isolation, banging head and hurting oneself, throwing items at another, substance abuse, addictions of sorts, going crazy, becoming abusive, attacking others, causing personal and material loss, or causing bodily harm are forms of incapacitation and violence. Suicide and homicide are extreme forms of this passive behaviour. Incessant mind talk, ruminating anger, hate or resentment or embarrassment, insult or a put down resulting in mind becoming stunned or numbed is a type of incapacitation.
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Thinking Disorders
Over-detailing and generalization are two types of thinking disorders.
Over-detailing: In over-detailing the person uses unnecessary details to convey information. In grammar it is called using redundants. An example: "Actually what I want to tell you, and I should have told this to you yesterday, is that I am not coming tomorrow." Instead of "Sir, I am not coming tomorrow".
Generalization: Generalization is displayed when something related to one is viewed or conveyed to be of many. For example: If one person or a few persons do not follow traffic rules I say: "the traffic is chaotic because people do not follow traffic rules."
Thinking disorders also show up as escalations and fantasizing.
Escalation: Escalation is an inappropriate and uncalled response. Racket thinking, feeling and behaviors, are escaltations. Escalations also manifest as mood shifts or mood swings post events, interactions or occurrences.
Fantasizing: Fantasizing is a disorder when aiding redefining, in expecting or anticipating untoward consequences, or when in the form of hallucinations, delusions, untoward imagination and similar.
Popular literature lists many types of dysfunctional thinking.
Examples of Dysfunctional Thinking
Figure 30
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Symbiosis
Symbiosis is a condition generated by two persons unawarely contributing their active structural ego states in a manner that between them there is a set of three ego states available for use by both. In symbiosis one contributes Parent and Adult ego states and the other person contributes Child ego states. This is shown in the diagram on the left in figure 31. As a result a single PAC structure comes to exist between the two. It shown in the diagram on the right in figure 31.
The discounted ego states are shown in the figures in dotted lines. While A contributes Parent and Adult ego states, B contributes the Child ego state. Extreme cases of symbiosis generate co-dependency. Symbiosis occurs between persons participating in 'games'. This constitutes unhealthy symbiosis. Healthy Symbiosis occurs in other conditions when the dependency is biologically necessary as between mother and child in childhood and between patients and caretakers in hospitals. A diagram showing healthy symbiosis is given here:
Diagram showing Healthy Symbiosis
(Credit:Woollams and Brown ISBN 0-13-881912-2 pbk)
(Credit:Woollams and Brown ISBN 0-13-881912-2 pbk)
Unhealthy symbiosis occurs in many different relationships: Some of them are between mother and child, husband and wife, boss and subordinate, teacher and student, pastor and devotee, therapist and client, and participants in games. In symbiosis the unused ego states are discounted. In First Order Symbiosis First Order Ego States are involved.
Another type of first order symbiosis may come into existence between three persons. It is shown in the diagram in figure 32. In it B uses A's Parent and Adult while A uses B's Child, and C uses B's Parent and Adult and contributes own Child to B. As an example the mother uses her husband's Parent and Adult seeking permission and guidance for going to a circus show with their son, and their son in turn uses his mother's Parent and Adult to find out where they can go and what they can do and why. The husband and mother use the Child of his wife and son respectively for obtaining Free Child joy and happiness.
Figure 32
Second Order Symbiosis: In Second Order Symbiosis second order ego states get used in a complementing manner. A and B share a First Order Symbiotic relationship at one level and a Second Order Symbiotic relationship at another level. It is diagrammed as shown in figure 33.
Figure 33
It usually happens in husband wife relationships. Here Parent and Adult of husband care for the Child at the social level while the Parent and Adult of the Second Order Child of the wife care for the husband's needs at the psychological level.
Competitive Symbiosis - In competitive symbiosis two persons haggle with each other for the same dominant role. In Hindi there is the respectful usage 'Pehele Aaap' meaning 'first you' or 'please, you first'. Another example is of persons competing to pay the bill at a restaurant till one or some just give up through exhaustion or exasperation. In this case it is 'I first'. Competitive Symbiosis is a significant feature of redefining.
Discounting and Symbiosis
In unhealthy symbiosis ego states are discounted in two ways. In one way by not using those that are available for use and in another way by using those of another. There is sharing. Though dysfunctional, this sharing provides a sense of comfort to both parties. The unused ego states are excluded contextually, meaning in the moment and for the topic prevailing and purpose. Both parties experience psychological gain in the process.
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