This blog comes from Ajit Karve, BSc, BTA, a Transformational TA Coach
+919822024037; ajitpkarve@gmail.com
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Implementing Self-Therapy 4
Please visit > Goals of TA and Daily Affirmations before reading further
Please visit > Goals of TA and Daily Affirmations before reading further
Restraining Urges Drives and Impulses:
These are restrained by learning to patiently wait, delay and postpone responses to urges, events and situations. Initially one needs to delay by five seconds. Then this can be extended over time as one gains the capacity to delay by five seconds. One learns to delay by many days. It helps to push the response loop from the brain stem through the mid brain, to the fore brain. Doing so helps to structure a sane, safe, effective and appropriate response. Sometimes no response is better and more effective than an inappropriate or ill timed response.
The above practice works well in the matter of response to people, events and situations too.
What does one do with feelings:
Feelings are like traffic lights. Appropriate action is to be taken. Like when the traffic light is green traffic moves, when yellow it stops and when red it halts. Similarly sadness is discharged by sharing with someone close. Fear is discharged by being prepared with an actionable plan (if what we fear happens for real). Anger is discharged by using the four steps of Non Violent Communication. They are: (1) Report the observation. eg. You are seated on my seat Sir. (2) Report the feeling. I am uncomfortable. (3) Report the need. I need my seat to be vacated. (4) Make a request. Sir, will you please vacate my seat.
Freedom from expectation and anticipation:
Expecting and anticipating deprives us of peace of mind. We need to engage with the other instead of starting to become uncomfortable within us. Therefore this tendency is best got over by permitting the mind to do the needful. The mind is addressed like this: "O! my mind. I find that you are lock-jammed with this expecting and anticipating. I give you permission to be free of this lock-jam. Come, be relaxed. I will soon check up and take appropriate action." The urge and drive to be engaged in the expectation and anticipation will die.
Dealing with Pathologies:
Confusion indicates that Adult is excluded. Adult needs to be activated. How to do this. Wait for some time. A moment will come when we have clarity to think in some other less threatening matter. At that moment address the mind thus: "O! my mind. I give you permission to think. Please use it in the matter of . . . . . (like what decision to make.)
Indeision means Child is excluded. Wait for sometime. Find the Child to be active like when engaged in fun talk with someone. We can get over indecision in that moment.
In struggle Parent is excluded. It is activated by becoming assessing and evaluating in a Parental way.
In conflict two sets of functional ego states engage in an internal dialogue. Adult is also excluded. Conflicts are ended by admitting and accepting that we are in conflict. Thereupon, the process of activating Adult is used. Conflict ends.
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